From our guest writers at dateability.io
1. THE BACHELOR
HE'S THE GUY WHO:
...seems to rise the ranks in any community’s popularity metrics - like the Class President in high school, or the acoustic-guitar-toting Worship Leader at church.
EXAMPLES:
From the Bible: King Solomon, whom had 700 wives and 300 concubines! Not to mention his famous book the "Song of Songs". The man knew how to talk to the ladies.
From popular culture: Harvey Specter (Suits).
PRIMARY CHARACTERISTICS:
Handsome, charming and naturally charismatic, The Bachelor is the guy eeeeeevery girl has either had a public or private crush on, however brief or extended.
He’s the guy in your community who seems to always be surrounded by women, and certainly has the luxury of taking his sweet ol’ time.
He is after all, devastatingly handsome and successful in his career, as well as with women. As long as he doesn’t royally screw things up with you emotionally (which he’s vulnerable to, unfortunately), his beautiful face and sculpted build tends to win over our heart if we’re not careful!
LINES HE’S FAMOUS FOR:
“I don’t go chasing girls, the girls come chasing me.”
“I’m waiting on God for my wife. She’ll come when I least expect it.” (Because his mega-attractiveness compensates for his lack of action, you see).
HOW WE MIGHT HAVE RESPONDED TO THE BACHELOR:
“I don’t want to like that guy, because all the other girls seem to be chasing him.”
“If he ever asked me out, I definitely wouldn’t say no.”
“He’s really cute. And nice. He came to my party last week and washed the dishes, I think he might be keen! [delighted shriek]”
“He’s my dream man.”
WHY WE COULD DISLIKE HIM:
Bachelors-gone-wrong enjoys the abundant attention he receives from women, for his good looks and relentless charm. If a Bachelor isn’t ready for a committed relationship, he will be aloof and emotionally unavailable toward women who give him clear ‘pursue me’ signals.
Redeemed-by-the-Lord Bachelors who desire to take action will do so once he is absolutely sure he will get a yes. If there is too much risk, Bachelors panic internally as they are not used to rejection. His good looks have gotten him far in life, and rarely has he worked on himself to develop other parts of his identity.
Taken Bachelors often had the woman take initiative after she watered seeds of friendship with him for years. His options of dating beautiful quality women seem endless! It’s kind of unfair.
2. THE SNIPER
HE'S THE GUY WHO:
...doesn’t seem embarrassed to actively ask any girl out, granted he’s attracted to her.
EXAMPLES:
At church, he’s the guy that devout Christian girls want to stay away from, as they don’t feel ‘special’ when they get his attention. For she believes he gives that to any pretty girl.
From the Bible: an extreme example is King Xerxes, who actively called for the most beautiful virgins in the land to become his new Queen. A softer example is Isaac, whose father Abraham did not want him to marry a Canaanite woman, so sent their servant to find a specific type of woman for Isaac.
From popular culture: Don Draper (Mad Men)
PRIMARY CHARACTERISTICS:
Kind, cool, and open to a committed relationship, Snipers are action-taking gentlemen who have a healthy balance of both confidence and initiative. Just like the name suggests, a Sniper sees what he likes, points, and then shoots!
When a Sniper meets a girl he’s attracted to, he’ll then ask her out on a date after the first or second time of meeting her. Judging by his initial conversation with her, he'll establish if there is sufficient emotional connection and chemistry.
Don Draper could also be classed as a Bachelor, but I have put him in the Sniper category for the frequency of his pursuit of the ladies, however, blurred his moral compass might be to us. It's the intentionality followed by action that mainly sets apart the Sniper from the Bachelor.
LINES HE’S FAMOUS FOR:
“If I don’t take action, I might never see her again.”
“I’m a man. And men take initiative.”
“Every time I get rejected I’m one step closer to my wife.”
HOW WE MIGHT HAVE RESPONDED TO THE SNIPER:
“He dated my best friend four and a half years ago… so I could never go there.”
“He just seems to ask out a lot of girls. And I don’t want to get sloppy seconds or thirds.”
“He just straight up asked me out. So refreshing.”
WHY WE COULD DISLIKE HIM:
Snipers-gone-wrong will make us feel like his initiative towards us is more about conquest-collecting rather than genuine romantic interest. We might have felt like a number to a Sniper instead of somebody special.
However Snipers who are self-aware and godly are simply unafraid and unashamed of their desire to find a wife. He will pursue women out of curiosity, to devote 1-1 time with her to get to know her properly. Once he has established they really do have an emotional connection, he will progress things with her in the appropriate timing.
I also want to note, that as we get older into our 30s and 40s, the Sniper strategy is much more refreshing than any other male pursuit style!
3. THE FARMER
HE'S THE GUY WHO:
...zeroes in on ONE woman and pursues her for months or years.
EXAMPLES:
From the Bible: Jacob, who waited 14 years to marry Rachel, for whom it was love at first sight for both of them!
From popular culture: Noah Calhoun (The Notebook)
Most Christian men are aged between 18-34 years.
PRIMARY CHARACTERISTICS:
As the most beloved type by Christian girls, this is the guy who plants a seed of platonic connection first with women. He will slowly water those seeds, observing the girls he has an interest in within the community. He will pursue one woman at a time, praying fervently that the Holy Spirit speaks to him about her, asking God for confirmation if she is the "right" woman.
Noah Calhoun is a prime example of a Farmer because solely pursued Allie for years. As romantic as this sounds, there is a terrible risk if he does not get the girl in the end. Despite being tricked by his Uncle Laban after 7 years of working for Rachel, Jacob continued to work hard for her for another 7 years. How romantic! (Not to mention time-consuming).
LINES HE’S FAMOUS FOR:
“Friendship is the best foundation for any relationship and marriage.”
“I want to get to know her properly first, before we go on a proper date.”
"If you want me to wait for you, tell me and I will."
“She has rejected me for now, but eventually I’ll wear her down."
HOW WE MIGHT HAVE RESPONDED TO THE FARMER:
“We knew each other for years. We became friends first and then we fell in love.”
“He only had eyes for me, no one else, and pursued me solely for 5 years. How romantic is that?”
“Ugh I already told him I’m not interested, but he said he’s determined to wait for me as long as it takes. I’m about to marry somebody else, he really needs to move on!”
WHY WE COULD DISLIKE HIM:
Farmers gone wrong will waste years and years waiting for one woman. As romantic as that sounds, it becomes dangerous once the girl has rejected him quite clearly and killed all hope, and yet he is determined to hold on. A very high-stakes strategy!
Redeemed-by-the-Lord Farmers understand when it’s time to walk away. They will pick up the pieces of their broken heart and take the time to heal, before pursuing another woman who is worthy of their love and attention.
4. THE SWEETHEART
HE'S THE GUY WHO:
...wrote you poetry in high school. You thought he was really nice but likely gave him a permanent spot in your friend zone.
EXAMPLES:
From the Bible: King David. As the youngest brother forgotten by his Father, sought validation and attention from women, despite being "a man after God's own heart".
From popular culture: Tom (500 Days of Summer), Romeo (Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet).
PRIMARY CHARACTERISTICS:
A hopeless romantic who adores women, Sweethearts tend to place HUGE importance on finding his perfect soulmate, due to his working self-esteem, confidence, and limited dating and romantic experiences.
LINES HE’S FAMOUS FOR:
“If she became my wife, I think my life would be complete.”
“She was unattainable, but I won her.”
“I don’t know why girls don’t find me attractive. I treat them like royalty.”
HOW YOU MIGHT HAVE RESPONDED TO HIM:
“He’s such a nice guy! But I just see him as a brother in Christ.”
“He’s so beautiful and kind, and I know he would really love me, but I just don’t think I’m attracted to him in the way I am to other guys I’ve liked before.
WHY WE COULD DISLIKE HIM:
Sweethearts gone wrong are approval-seeking of women, seeing us as trophies to be won or objects to fill his love and self-esteem tank. As beautiful hearted as the sweetheart is, his marriage to the fantasy of the elusive, ideal woman is usually a turn-off.
Redeemed-by-the-Lord Sweethearts are aware of their approval seeking and will actively work on his inner confidence to ensure he derives his esteem from his inward self. Elements such as his purpose, career, his hobbies and friends/family network are places he can access to gain more confidence in himself.
Try finding your guy on Upward today.
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